Harry Potter and the Land of Oz
by SageKiller
Summary: Harry Potter meets the Wizard of Oz. A parody of the movie using the Harry Potter characters. Hilarity ensues. No Hogwarts on this side of the rainbow. Featuring good grammar!


**Name: Harry Potter and the Land of Oz**

**Author: SageKiller**

**Rating: PG, for mild language and slash jokes.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or the Wizard of Oz. And really, if I did would I be here writing fan fics when I could be spending my millions?**

**Summary: Harry Potter meets the Wizard of Oz. A parody of the movie using the Harry Potter characters. Hilarity ensues. No Hogwarts on this side of the rainbow. Featuring good grammar!**

"Wake up, boy!" Harry Potter startled awake as his aunt rapped on his bedroom door. "Go mind the eggs!"

Harry sighed and went downstairs to finish cooking breakfast for his family. His uncle was sitting at the kitchen table reading the newspaper. "Good morning Uncle Vernon." The boy sighed once more as he received a grunt in response.

"Dad, I'm going out! There's supposed to be a big storm this afternoon so I want to play before it hits." Seeing that his whale of a cousin was running in his direction and likely to "accidentally" crash into him, Harry quickly moved aside. Dudley skidded to a stop right where Harry was standing a moment before.

"Quite smart Dudley, but make sure you eat something first! Your mother will be cross if you miss a meal. Aren't those eggs ready yet boy?" Harry was of the opinion that his cousin and uncle could both stand to skip a few meals but just nodded and slid the fried eggs onto a plate with some pieces of toast and set it on the table. He sat down and ate leisurely knowing that his cousin was too eager to go out to destroy his meal again.

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Harry was humming as he washed the dishes a while later, alone in the house since his uncle was at work and his aunt had gone shopping. He was looking forward to sneaking onto Dudley's computer to play some video games when he heard a sound outside. Looking through the window, he saw a tall man dressed all in black yelling at Mrs. Figg, the old woman from down the street. Curious, he quickly dried his hands and went outside to listen to the steadily louder argument.

"That thing is a menace! Believe me, Madam; I will have it put down by the end of the week! And all the rest of them too! It cannot be legal to have that many cats in one house!" The man was snarling and Harry wondered for a moment what could have started this when he noticed the shredded sleeves and bleeding leg the man was sporting.

"It's not Mr. Tibble's fault! You stepped on his tail, Snape! I saw you!" Harry didn't know whom he pitied more. He had felt the cat's claws more than once over the years and knew how much pain the man must be in, but he was also quite fearsome and probably right about the number of cats Mrs. Figg had. Suddenly the woman spotted him. "Harry please! Take him!" She got to him amazingly quickly and thrust the obviously scared cat into his arms. Harry was about to refuse when he saw the man limping towards him at a frightening pace.

"Give me that bloody animal!" Working on pure instinct Harry ran down the street away from the angry man chasing him holding onto the cat tightly. He wasn't sure where to go, so just ran towards the park he frequented hoping to lose the man in the playground. He outran the injured man by the time he got to the park but crashed into an older one instead.

"Hello there, son! What are you running from?" The old man laughed his long silver hair and beard shimmering slightly. He was dressed in a bright blue three-piece suit decorated with golden stars. Harry started, seeing the strange man but quickly came back to his senses.

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to crash into you like that. See this man was chasing me; this cat here attacked him, and so he wanted to get it put down." Harry looked back to see if the man was still looking for him but there was no sign of him. "I guess I lost him."

"Ah well there's no problem then is there! Now, why don't you come and sit down for some tea? The boys were just making some while I came out to check the weather." The man gestured behind him and Harry finally noticed the large purple caravan parked in the middle of the playground behind him, smoke rising steadily from a chimney.

Harry nodded, thanked the man, and followed him inside the caravan. It was surprisingly roomy inside, with plenty of space for the five of them to move around freely. As he watched, the redheaded boy and the brunette were setting the table while the blond stirred a bubbling pot on the stove.

"Professor, you've brought a guest!" said the brunette with a smile as the redhead waved and set an extra place at the table. The blond just sneered as he added some spices to his stew.

The old man gave a deep chuckle and indicated each boy in turn. "I am the great professor Albus Dumbledore and these are my apprentices: Ron, Neville, and Draco. Boy's, this is Harry Potter." A chorus of 'Hello Harry' came from the boys but he was too busy staring at the professor to notice.

"How…how did you know my name?"

"Oh don't mind him, he loves to show off his magic tricks," called Ron cheerily.

"Yeah," agreed Draco with another sneer. "He says he won't teach us that trick 'till after we learn everything else. He knows that's enough to impress anyone and he doesn't want us getting any business until he's done."

"Don't say that Draco! You know he's just waiting till we're ready to know everything!" Neville looked like he was ready to say more but Dumbledore cleared his throat loudly to interrupt. He sat down, and directed Harry to do the same.

"Draco, if that's done, how about we all sit down to tea? What are you making anyway?" Smiling, Draco turned down the flame and sat down. Neville took a moment to pour the tea, Ron doling out the milk and sugar, before they both joined the group as well.

"Well," started Draco, still smiling, "It's a chili recipe from one of your cookbooks but I tweaked a few things. My version should be spicier and chunkier."

Neville gulped loudly and glared at Draco. "Spicy? You know I don't do well with spicy food!"

"Well then next time you can cook dinner." Neville blushed as Ron leaned over and explained to Harry that Draco was the best cook amongst them and loved to use it for his advantage. Laughing, Harry turned to the professor to see his reaction, expecting him to be angry, but the man was just smiling with a twinkle in his eye. As the five of them talked over tea, Harry learned that Professor Dumbledore and the boys were part of a traveling circus that had stopped in Surrey for gas on their way to London and they were just waiting for the others to get back. Draco's parents were the ringleaders, Ron's family was on the trapeze and tight rope, and Neville's grandmother did hypnotism.

Ron suggested that the professor do some more magic for Harry, and after a bit of nudging from the other boys, the man agreed. He brought out a large basin filled with what looked like water and introduced it as his pensieve. Neville assured Harry that he didn't bring out the pensieve for just anyone.

"So why don't we take a look and find your family? Ah, here we go; I do believe I've found your aunt. She's putting away groceries in the refrigerator. Well that's not very interesting, why don't I try your uncle instead?"

"My aunt is home?" Harry paled as he realized what that meant. "I never finished the dishes! I'm gonna be in so much trouble! I've got to go. Thanks for everything guys, I had a lot of fun, maybe I can come and see you again some time but I gotta go now. Bye!" Before the others could explain that the pensieve told the past, not the present, Harry was off and running back toward his house. Ron ran after him for a bit but Professor Dumbledore pulled him back.

"It's too late Ron, he's gone. Come in, this storm is about to hit and it looks bad." Indeed the clouds above them were almost black and thundering ominously. Harry didn't even notice the weather as he hurried in to explain why he hadn't finished his chores. When he couldn't find his aunt he just shrugged and continued to wash the dishes. He'd barely started when he felt the house shake.

"What was that?" He looked around, peering out the closed windows to see if something had hit the house, but couldn't see anything. Rain was pouring and he jumped as lighting hit a tree right in his front yard. Eyes wide, he climbed under the table just before the tree hit the roof. "Mr. Tibble!" A frightened meow was all the response he got before the small cat also hiding under the table jumped into his arms. Suddenly the shaking and sounds of rain all stopped. Harry waited another minute before cautiously crawling out from under the table. He looked around at the mess that was the kitchen and thanked the gods it wasn't any worse. He knew he'd probably be blamed for the mess already.

Cat still in his arms, he opened the front door to check the damage outside but was struck silent, mouth open, when he saw what was outside. Instead of the quiet suburban neighborhood he was used to, he saw what looked like a market place. There were stores everywhere selling the strangest things. Harry slowly walked around, taking in the signs advertising 'Owl Treats' and 'Quidditch Supplies' with a smile. He thought he heard some gasps but he didn't see anyone around. Just as he was ready to start exploring inside the buildings, a large crack behind him made him jump and a smiling girl with long bushy brown hair appeared. She was wearing long black robes and was holding a large old looking book.

"Hello, Harry. I'm Hermione, the good witch of the north. And this is Diagon Alley."

"Er…nice to meet you Hermione. How-how did you know my name? And what are all those whispers I hear? And how did I get here?" Harry was just glad the Dursleys didn't come over with him. They hated anything that wasn't normal.

"Well that's easy. You're famous! You're the Boy-Who-Lived! That's how I know your name, that's why everyone here is whispering-well that and they're quite shy-and you got here by coming over the rainbow." She opened the book as she talked, checking her answers against what was written. She nodded happily at him satisfied with her answers but he just stared at her in shock.

"I'm famous? How?"

"Like I said, you're the Boy-Who-Lived. You're the only person ever to come over the rainbow and survive!" As Harry took in that morbid comment, Hermione quickly motioned around, giving the people hiding the signal to come out. A bunch of little kids came out from behind doors and inside the buildings. "These, Harry, are the first years! They were here shopping for school supplies when you came." Harry was about to ask what school they were going to when a cry came from one of the first years.

"Hermione! There's a man under this house!" Harry and Hermione ran over to the crying child and found that there was indeed a pair of black clad legs sticking out from under the house. Harry could feel the blood draining from his face as he realized he'd killed someone when he heard Hermione gasp.

"It's Professor Severus Snape! He's the evil potions master of the east. Don't worry Harry, no one liked him anyway." Harry was about to argue that whether or not he was liked didn't matter, he was still dead, when another crack sounded and a tall, pale, snake faced man appeared in the middle of the crowd. Screams of 'You-Know-Who!' rang out from the children as they ran back into their hiding places, the newcomers glowing red eyes seeming to follow them all at the same time.

"Who did this? Who killed Snape?" His voice sent shivers down Harry's spine and he gulped loudly, looking at Hermione for guidance. The cat in his arms hissed at the man but stayed safe in Harry's arms.

"What do you care, Voldemort? Point is he's dead. He didn't even really work for you! He was a spy!"

"Wait you said he was evil!" said Harry, surprised.

"Well he was mean."

"That's not the same thing! Was he really a spy?"

"Well that's what we've heard…"

"Enough!" Voldemort threw his hands in the air, looking confused. "You're right, I don't care! What I really want are the boots I lent him. I'll just get the dragon hide boots and be on my way." He moved so quickly it looked instantaneous but just as he reached for the boots they vanished and the legs shrunk into nothingness.

"Nope those boots aren't for you Voldy! Harry's wearing them now." Harry looked down at Hermione's words and was shocked to find she was right.

"Hey what did you do that for? I don't want Snape's stinky shoes!"

"Shush Harry, someone's gotta wear them and I'm sure not gonna do it. Now Voldy, go away before someone drops a house on you too!"

"I am Lord Voldemort! I can not be killed so easily!"

"Well what kind of villain kills the hero at the first opportunity? You have to chase him a bit first!" Harry's mouth fell open. Who would actually fall for that?

"Yes, I suppose you're right." Hermione cast a quick cushioning charm as Harry fainted. "Well I'll be off. But when he wakes up, inform him that I am going to kill him. And his little cat too!" With that, he vanished with another large crack and Hermione enervated her new friend.

"Alright Harry, now you need to get to Hogwarts to meet the Wizard. He'll help you get back home to your family."

"Er…actually I'd rather not go home if it's all the same. Could I stay here by any chance?" He thought Diagon Alley was a rather nice place and the magic was quite fun.

"Nope, sorry Harry. Rule is you've got to go home in the summer. Now just follow the Yellow Brick Road, you'll get to Hogwarts eventually. It's a giant castle; you can't miss it. Good Luck!" Before Harry could complain, Hermione had opened her book and disappeared with another crack.

He entertained the thought of staying here anyway but the first years had finally begun to come out again and they all pushed him towards the Yellow Brick Road he was supposed to be following. Grumbling quietly he started down the road.

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After walking for what felt like hours (his watch didn't seem to work since the storm so he couldn't be sure) Harry came to a bus terminal. He looked at the schedule, wondering if he should continue with a bus, train, or cab, when he heard a voice.

"Train gets you there the fastest." Harry looked around to find the voice but the only sign of life he saw was a portrait of a scarecrow in a cornfield, pointing toward the trains. It had bright red hair and freckles and wore clothes that were a size too small, as if he'd already grown out of them. Harry shrugged and was about to leave when he heard the voice again. "Of course you have to wait for trains. You could get a cab immediately." Harry searched again, but there was still no one around. He had almost completely convinced himself that the portrait wasn't actually talking to him when he realized it was now pointing toward the cabs. As he stared at the picture, the scarecrow opened his mouth and spoke with the same voice. "Though really there's nothing wrong with taking a bus is there? Much cheaper than a cab too."

"Whoa!" Harry jumped back, amazed. "You talk?"

"Well why wouldn't I talk? I offer advice to the passengers. But I'm not very good at it. I'm not very smart, you see."

"Er…I'm sorry. So are you really a picture?"

"Yes of course I am! The Wizard made me. You know, it's not very easy holding a conversation like this, is it? Maybe you could help me."

"Sure. What can I do?"

"Just say the password."

"Well what's the password?"

"I can't tell you that! But I can give you a hint. It's a type of candy."

Harry frowned at the delay but complied with as many sweets as he could name. Finally, at "Goobers", the portrait shuddered and the scarecrow sprung out of the frame. He stretched and jumped about, obviously happy to be free.

"That's so much better, thank you! I'm Ron by the way."

"I'm Harry. Oh and this is Mr. Tibble. I've been sent to see the Wizard at Hogwarts."

"Oh really? I've always wanted to meet the Wizard again. I want to talk to him about giving me a brain. My head's full of straw you know."

"Well you can come with me if you want. But I have some evil wizard after me. He wants to kill me 'cuz I killed Snape."

"You killed Snape? Wicked!" Harry smiled. They were definitely going to be fast friends. Deciding to take the train, they chatted happily while waiting to continue their journey. "You know Harry it's the strangest thing. I'm getting this strange feeling that we should be skipping."

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Harry and Ron were both hungry as they continued on their journey. Harry had been pleasantly surprised to see that the Yellow Brick Road started again once they'd left the train station, but they hadn't passed anywhere to get food.

"Look Harry! Apples!" It wasn't apple trees as Harry expected, but large barren willows with barrels of apples next to them. Ron promptly went over to the trees and examined the barrels to find the best apples. He passed right by a small sign without reading it. Harry bent down to read it and gasped.

"Ron you should get away from those! This says those are whomping willows. They'll throw stuff at you if you get too close."

"You mean like these apples?" He asked, looking suspiciously innocent. Harry agreed but worried at the smile that came onto the scarecrows face. "Alright I've got a plan. Hey you ugly trees, hit me!" Before Harry could stop him, Ron had gone and touched three of the trees on the trunk and run back to the road. Both boys quickly hid behind the more normal oak trees on the other side of the road while the willows threw apples at them. When it was silent again, Ron led him back out to the road, which was now littered with apples. "It worked! Come along Harry, help me gather them up."

Harry smiled as he gathered up as many of the apples as he could find, concentrating on the ones that had rolled away and letting Ron get the ones in the middle of the road. He was almost done when the cat-that-wouldn't-leave batted the last one further into the forest and went after it. Grumbling over annoying cats, Harry followed him and almost bumped into a suit of armor.

"Ron! Oi, Ron! Come take a look at this!" The scarecrow hurried over, mouth full of apple, and joined Harry in examining the rusted old armor. Suddenly they heard a muffled sound coming from inside the armor. "I think he said, 'oil'."

"There's a can of oil over here Harry. C'mon, let's oil him up." They proceeded to oil all of the armor's joints and as soon as he was loose enough, they opened up the helmet. The boy inside had a pale, sneering face and silvery blond hair.

"Thanks for that. Name's Draco. The stupid suit rusted up with me still inside it. And it shrunk too, so now I'm stuck! Oh I can't wait to exact some revenge on whoever made it!"

Harry and Ron looked at each other in shock. "Er…don't you think that's a bit harsh," asked Harry warily. Ron nodded in agreement next to him.

"Nope. The guy's just lucky I don't feel like telling my father. Then he'd really be dead. But I want to take care of him myself." Harry rapidly decided a change in subject was needed.

"I'm going to see the Wizard. He has to send me home, and Ron here is coming with me to ask the Wizard for a brain. Why don't you come with us?"

"Yeah, come with us! You can ask the Wizard for a heart."

"Now that's uncalled for!"

"Do you have a heart?"

"Well…no…"

"Then it's settled. We're off to see-"Ron's sentence was interrupted by a thunderous evil laugh as Voldemort appeared blocking their way.

"Making friends boy? I bet they won't be as friendly when they're nothing but ash!" With that, the evil wizard threw a fireball at Ron and disappeared once more.

"Ron! Bloody hell that must hurt. Draco, come help us!" Between the two of them, they quickly got the fire under control with only a badly singed leg to show for it.

"Thanks Harry, Draco. That would've been bad. Maybe you do have a heart after all Draco."

"Will you lay off of that you stupid scarecrow!" Though they had started arguing again, Harry knew it was as much of a bonding moment as he could hope for.

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"Do we have to come this way?"

"Yes, for the hundredth time, Harry was told to follow the Yellow Brick Road. This is the Yellow Brick Road. We have to come this way!"

Harry sighed as Draco and Ron started arguing once again. Ron had asked that same question since they'd entered the Forbidden Forest and he didn't seem to be getting any less scared. Suddenly they heard a creature howling in the distance and all three boys screamed.

"What do you think it could be," asked Harry, Mr. Tibble once again hiding in his arms.

"Spiders" suggested Ron with a shiver.

"Werewolves. Spiders don't howl," countered Draco with a sneer.

Ron shrugged. "Vampires?"

"Oh my." Draco stopped what would have been the beginning of another fight as he followed Harry's eyes to the whimpering lion sitting on a tree stump ahead of them. "Er…Lion? Are you ok?"

The lion looked up at them sadly. "No, can't say I am. I'm scared and I've completely forgotten how to get out of this forest."

"That's so sad," said Ron as Draco sneered at the sad lion. "We'll help you get out, it's ok." Now Draco looked angry.

"Yes, you can come with us if you'd like. We're going to see the Wizard." Now Draco looked very angry.

"The Wizard? Really? I've always wanted to meet him. My grandmother always said he could probably give me some courage. I'm Neville by the way." The others introduced themselves, Draco with a bit of nudging from the other two. "So why are you going to see the Wizard anyway?"

"Well I've been sent to see him so he can send me home, and Ron wants to ask him for a brain, and Draco-"

"Oh is Draco looking for a heart?"

"Why does everyone say that!?"

"Well you are quite grumpy," suggested the lion timidly.

The boys shrugged and they continued down the Yellow Brick Road.

Meanwhile Voldemort was watching everything the boys were doing. Too lazy to go himself yet again, he cast a spell on a boat and gave it a hole.

It wasn't much farther before they came to the edge of the forest. Now the only thing between them and the large castle that was Hogwarts was a huge lake. Luckily, there was a boat waiting for them, with just enough room for four people. They were all quite happy things were going so well until they were about halfway into the lake. Then they sprung a leak.

"Oh no! We're gonna sink!"

"Are you serious? I'm in a bloody suit of armor! I can't be in a sinking boat!"

"Guys, I've just remembered, I'm scared of water!"

"Help! Help, anyone!"

Though they screamed they didn't really expect much help to come with no one around to hear them. They didn't count on Hermione keeping a close eye on them though. Just as it seemed too late, the giant squid that lived in the lake swam up and wrapped a tentacle around each of them. It took them only a couple more minutes to get to the other side of the lake and knock on the doors. They thanked the squid profusely as they heard someone open the door.

"An' what've we got here? A buncha first years? Yer a bit early yeh know." The four boys were so busy staring at the giant of a man they barely realized he'd been speaking to them. Harry was the first to return to his senses.

"Please sir, we're here to see the Wizard."

"What! No one gets ter see the Wizard! Not unless yeh've got special permission, of course."

"Well Harry was sent here by Hermione! He's even wearing Snape's dragon hide boots."

"Well yeh are, aren't yeh! Yeh mean, Snape's dead?" Harry nodded silently, still feeling a bit guilty over it. "That's sad, that is. Snape was a good man." Harry's guilt increased. "But I s'pose that is special permission. Come along then!"

With that, the four boys were led inside and to the hospital wing to take care of the bumps and bruises they'd collected over their trip. Harry sighed with relief as they walked to the Wizard's office, feeling healthier then he had in months. He had learned in the hospital wing that Hogwarts was a school of magic, the same school the first years in Diagon Alley had been buying supplies for. Snape had worked here as a potions professor, and Hermione was a student here as well. The Wizard was the headmaster. Though it was still summer, the halls were filled with professors getting ready for the upcoming school year.

Harry felt his previous high vanish and his stomach drop as Voldemort's cold evil laugh sounded through the corridors once again. Everyone hurried to the windows to see him on a broomstick writing 'Surrender Harry' in the sky with flaming letters before vanishing once more. The four boys looked at each other and sped the rest of the way to the Wizard's office.

"Let us in!" called Harry, pounding on the door. "We need to see the Wizard immediately." A window opened in the door and the giant man appeared once again.

"What's this now? The Wizard's very busy yeh know."

"But we have to see him now! I'm Harry, Harry Potter."

"Yeh mean the same Harry You-Know-Who was jus'-" He didn't bother to continue as he saw the boys' rapid nods. "Er, let meh jus' ask again." It seemed like only a minute before he had returned. "M'sorry, but 'e says 'e's much too busy. Come back later."

"What!" They continued to complain but the giant had long since shut the window. Sitting down in front of the door, the boys found no other option but to sulk.

"You know, I never even wanted to come here. To see the Wizard I mean. I'd love to just stay and go to Hogwarts. But Hermione says it's against the rules."

"Don't you want to go home Harry?" asked Neville softly, hoping he wasn't prying, but the boy just shook his head.

"The Dursley's hate me. I've been so much happier since coming here. I just wish I could stay." The boys sat quietly agreeing that it would be much nicer if Harry could stay when they heard loud sobbing from the door. They turned around to see the giant blowing his nose into a towel-sized handkerchief.

"That's so sad. Ah Harry, I'll find a way to get yeh in to see the professor, don't yeh worry." The boys cheered as they followed him inside and into the headmaster's office.

It was with frazzled nerves that they opened the door to his office. Neville barely made it through the hallway. And when they saw sitting at the desk, not a man like they supposed, but a big bright red bird, Neville fainted straight away.

"Hello," said a voice that seemed to come from the bird though its beak didn't move. "Welcome to Hogwarts. So I suppose you'll want a brain, a heart, courage, and a ride home?"

"Yes that's it exactly," exclaimed Ron in surprise. Even Draco looked shocked at the sight before them.

"Well I'd love to help but I'm afraid-perhaps you should wake up Neville for this part. Is he up? Very good, thank you. Well as I was saying, I'm afraid I'm going to need you four to do something first. I need you to retrieve Voldemort's wand."

"B-b-but w-we'll have to k-kill him to do that!" Neville looked about ready to faint again as he reminded the Wizard of this.

"That's my decision; it's the only one you're going to get." The bird looked at them so fiercely that Neville ran straight out of the office and down the hallway. The others followed at a more reasonable pace.

"I can't believe we have to go back out there! We've just gotten here!" Harry couldn't help but agree, and even Draco was nodding along with the sentiment. Catching up with Neville, they sighed and walked back out of Hogwarts.

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"What is with all these dark creepy forests!" complained Ron loudly. This time not even Draco could argue, as this forest was much darker and scarier then the one where they met Neville. The lion in question was barely holding it together jumping at every small sound he heard. They'd just passed a sign warning that Riddle mansion was barely a mile ahead, and Draco had assured them that was the right place. Suddenly they felt the temperature drop.

The four boys looked at each other with fear, shivering at the sudden cold. Harry barely heard the screamed warning of "Dementors!" through the screaming he'd started to hear in his own head. And though the Dementors had thrown Neville and Draco aside while removing all of Ron's hay, Harry was aware of nothing as the Dementors flew him and Mr. Tibble the rest of the journey to Riddle Manor.

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"Alright boy, give up the boots or your cat gets it!" Harry sighed as he tried to explain once again to the evil wizard why that threat wasn't working.

"That's not my cat. It's my neighbor's cat. I don't even like the cat."

"But you'll feel bad if I kill it won't you?"

"I suppose I would, yeah."

"I thought so! So give up the boots or the cat gets it!" Harry groaned and gave in.

"Alright fine. I never wanted the bloody boots anyway!" Voldemort laughed happily and ran to pull the boots off of Harry's feet. When he was within an inch of them though, he was blasted back against the wall. "Just to be clear-I didn't do that. It wasn't me. Wasn't my fault. Can I go now?"

"No! It seems they won't come off while you're alive. I'll just have to kill you before instead of after I suppose." Harry backed away from the maniacal Wizard but saw no way to escape. Out of the blue inspiration struck.

"Now what kind of villain would you be if you just killed me now?"

"A satisfied one!"

"No, no, that's not how it goes. You're supposed to threaten me, tell me I'm going to die, then leave me alone for a while with no escape so I can ponder my impending death and get properly frightened."

"Dang it all you're right. Alright, I'll be back in an hour! But I'm taking your cat with me! Hey where'd it go?"

"The cat? It ran away when you got blasted against the wall."

"You're sure I can't just kill you now?" growled Voldemort, eyes glowing.

"Quite sure. I'm not nearly frightened enough." Harry had to suppress a smile at how well it was working. He couldn't quite muffle his laughter when Voldemort actually left the room to waste time for an hour though. Now he just needed to find a way to escape.

Meanwhile, Harry's three companions had just climbed the cliffs surrounding the manor and were trying to decide the best way to get in.

"I've got it! We'll sneak in!"

"That's what we've been saying for the last 5 minutes you stupid scarecrow. How are we going to sneak in?"

"Well I've figured that part out too. See the guards there? They'll be going back inside soon. If we dress up as a few of them, we can walk in right along with them."

"That's actually not a bad idea."

"Thank you. But we'll need you to lead the way, Neville. You're the strongest one of us."

Neville gulped loudly but nodded. After reviewing the details of the plan, he promptly let out his best roar. In a matter of seconds there were five death eaters chasing after them. Ron, as the fastest, led two of them away while Draco and Neville knocked out the other three and stole their clothes. When they were clad in the dark robes and white masks of the death eaters, they joined the evil army and made their way inside.

"Now what? How do we find Harry?"

"Seems like his cat knows the way," sneered Draco pointing at the meowing fur ball running up the stairs. They followed him and promptly came to a locked room.

"Harry, are you in there? It's me Ron! We've come to rescue you!"

"Well if he's not in there you've just blown our cover."

They heard a laugh from inside the room. "Don't worry Draco, it's me. I'm so glad you guys are here, I got Voldemort to leave me alone for an hour but the time's almost up and I couldn't find any way to get out of here!"

"We'll get you out Harry, hold on," said Neville, grabbing an ax from a wall decoration they'd passed a few feet away. Draco used the battle-ax that came with his armor and between the two of them quickly tore the door to shreds.

"Thanks. C'mon, let's get out of here before Voldemort realizes-"

"Too late boy, I've returned to kill you. And now I can kill all your little friends too!"

"You'll have to catch us first!" While everyone was still in shock over his statement, Neville ran off, pulling his friends along with him. By the time Voldemort realized what had just happened his prisoners were three floors down and searching for the exit.

"Well? Go after them you fools!"

"How is anyone supposed to find their way out of here?" asked Ron for the fourth time as they came to yet another staircase.

"That's the point stupid. Builders used to weave spells into these old manors so that prisoners couldn't find their way out. Of course most owners these days cancel those enchantments but Voldemort probably enhanced them instead." Draco was exhausted running around in the heavy suit of armor and it was just making him grumpier.

"It's true, I did. Rather effective, don't you think?" They gasped as Voldemort and his death eaters caught up to them. "Let's start with the scarecrow!" With a wave of his wand he'd sent a stream of flames onto Ron's arm.

"Not again! Put me out, put me out!"

Harry looked around for something to smother the flames and found a conveniently placed bucket of water behind him. He promptly threw the water onto his friend, accidentally splashing most of the others in the process.

"Ah! No! How could you know water was my one weakness?"

"Lucky guess?" But Voldemort never heard him. He was already a smoking puddle on the floor.

"So that's why he never took a shower!" Cries of realization rang out from the crowd of death eaters.

"Is that why he didn't have a nose?"

"No I think that was something else."

Harry cleared his throat to interrupt their musings. "So you aren't mad at us for melting your dark lord?"

"Nah he was a total git. Better off without him I think." The masked men all nodded in agreement.

"Can we have his wand then?"

"Yeah sure, exit's down the hall by the way."

The boys thanked the surprisingly nice men and made their way back to Hogwarts.

HPhpHPhpHP

"Well, Professor Dumbledore, we've killed Voldemort and brought back his wand. Time to uphold your part of the bargain." His friends nodded behind him as Harry placed the wand in front of the red bird.

"You've done a good job. Why don't you relax and think about the lessons you've learned? Come back tomorrow and I'll give you what you want."

"What? We've waited long enough," yelled Neville angrily.

"You don't want us to relax, you just haven't figured out how to accomplish them yet!"

"You've had plenty of time to figure it out, I want my brain now!"

Suddenly Mr. Tibble's frantic meowing brought their attention to an old man standing behind a curtain in the corner. He smiled and moved over to the desk, petting the bird fondly.

"Thank you Fawkes, why don't you go and sit on your perch? There's a good bird."

"Who are you?"

"I'm the real Professor Dumbledore. That was my pet phoenix. I find it amusing to see how long people believe I'm actually a bird." Harry didn't know what annoyed him more, the Professor's deep chuckle or the twinkle in his eye.

"Well are you going to give me a heart or not," asked Draco grumpily.

"All in good time, my boy! Now Ronald, I wonder if you've realized how smart you really are. You already have a perfectly fine brain."

"Don't think you're getting out of giving me a brain. If I have one already, I want a better one!"

Dumbledore scratched his head for a moment before pulling out something from one of his shelves. "Where I come from, there are many young men who have no more brain then you but are highly recognized for their intelligence. What do they have that you don't? One of these!" He held out a small badge with a large P on it. "A prefect's badge! Ronald Weasley, you are now a Hogwarts Prefect."

"Wow thank you sir!" Ron took the badge and shined it repeatedly before pinning it to his shirt proudly.

"Neville, you're already very courageous. Courage is not the absence of fear, but perseverance even when you are frightened. You don't need me to give you any!"

"But I-"

"See you even have enough courage to tell me you want something anyway…alright here. This should work." This time he went to a shelf on the other side of the office to pull something down. "Where I come from, what really separates the brave men from the heroes is this: a medal. Neville Longbottom, you are the proud recipient of the Student Services Award for valor in the face of extreme danger!" He handed the medal to Neville who smiled happily and lovingly placed it in his pocket.

"And what about me? I suppose you're going to say I've had a heart all along?"

"Oh no Draco, you're cold as ice. I've never seen a meaner boy. But once you start dating Harry, you'll fall in love and he can act as your heart!"

All four boys looked at each other, Harry and Draco with particular looks of disgust.

"That is so not going to happen!"

"I'm not even gay!"

"The visuals won't leave! I can still see it! Somebody please gouge out my eyes!"

The Wizard ignored all this and turned to Harry. "As for you Harry, well I'll just have to take you back myself. If you're ready we'll leave now."

"Sir? Isn't there anyway I could stay here?"

"Sorry son, it's against the rules. Go on, say goodbye."

Harry waved goodbye to his new friends, holding no hope he'd ever see them again, and followed the professor's lead to grab onto an old rubber duck. The three boys being left behind looked at each other, silently agreeing this wasn't going to sit well with them.

"We'll be leaving in a few seconds Harry. 5…4…3…2." Before he could reach one, Harry was pulled away and left behind when Professor Dumbledore vanished.

"Wicked! Thanks guys!"

"No problem, Harry" replied Ron with a smile.

"Think nothing of this, Potter," reminded Draco, obviously still distraught.

They were about to leave the office, hoping to escape before Dumbledore could return, when Fawkes gave a loud squawk and Hermione appeared in front of them.

"Hermione, what are you doing here?"

"More importantly Harry, what are you doing here? You should be back at home!"

"Sorry it wasn't my fault, and the Wizard's already gone. Guess I get to stay!"

"Nope. Actually, you had the power to leave the whole time. So you can leave now."

The boys all groaned at being thwarted once again.

"If he could have left at anytime, why'd he have to come all the way here," asked Ron angrily.

"Well he wouldn't have believed me if I told him right away. He needed to go through the journey to really believe in magic enough to use it." While she checked her book to make sure her answers were correct, a chorus of "know-it-all mudblood" arose from the boys.

Hermione closed the book with a snap and motioned toward the fire. There's floo powder hidden in the boots so just click your heels or stamp your feet a few times to activate it then yell out where you want to go and jump on in! Oh, and don't forget your cat."

Harry grudgingly waved goodbye to his friends once more, picked up the cat that was still following him around, and followed Hermione's instructions, her watchful eye making sure he yelled out the right destination. When he next opened his eyes, he was on the kitchen floor.

"About time you woke up boy! This place is a mess, it needs to get cleaned up. Start sweeping up!"

"Yes Aunt Petunia," groaned Harry as he got up and retrieved the broom and dustpan. He quickly swept up all the broken glass and debris on the floor and carried the dustpan outside to throw it out.

"Harry! Harry, hey hold up!" He turned around to see Professor Dumbledore and his three apprentices coming down the street toward him.

"How are you my boy? We'd worried you'd gotten stuck in the storm," said the professor, his eyes still twinkling through the expression of worry on his face.

"Oh no, I got back in time. We got hit hard though, broke a couple windows. And I think I must've bumped my head or something, I had the strangest dream. You were all in it. And it seemed so real!"

"Well we definitely didn't leave the caravan during that storm Harry, it was just a dream," said Ron with a laugh. But Harry couldn't help but notice that Draco was blushing brightly every time the boy looked his way, and Ron and Neville both seemed much happier than when he'd met them earlier. Of course, anything could have happened during that storm.

"Boy! Stop wasting time, there's more work to do!" Harry sighed and waved good-bye to his friends with a shrug.

"Harry, wait a moment! Here," Neville ran over and handed him two tickets to the circus. "You should come see us sometime. Who knows, maybe you can even run away and join us! We take a break during the summer though, so you'll have to wait until September first."

"Sure Nev, thanks a lot. I'll be sure to use them. See you then!" This time he smiled as he waved goodbye, with the knowledge that he had a free ticket to see them later on.

"What are you smiling over? We've got to clean all this up before your uncle gets home! Well? What are you so happy about?"

Harry smirked and pushed the tickets further into his pocket, knowing his aunt was too frazzled to realize his response was sarcastic.

"There's no place like home."

~The End~

**Author's Note: Thank you everyone for reading Harry Potter and the Land of Oz! I hope you enjoyed it, but whether you did or not, please review! I love constructive criticism ^_^. And now the real reason for this author's note: Slytherin lovers don't kill me! I know I teased the hell out of Snape and Draco in this story, but that's just 'cuz I love them so much XD. Also, I am a Harry/Draco fan (ok, I'm really a Harry/anyone-under-30-years-old fan but that's not the point) so no offense to that pairing was meant. Well…maybe a little…but again, I'm just teasing out of love!**

**AN2: Just a couple more things…First, the reason Draco is the best cook. It does have to do with him being good at potions, but there's more to the story! I wanted to include an explanation but I couldn't find a way to fit it in soooooo my sister has suggested turning it into a separate story (only a couple pages long most likely) about their cooking skills. I'm considering it, but I'd like to know in advance if anyone is actually curious enough to want the story. So if you'd like to read a story examining the cooking skills of our main characters, tell me in a review and I'll be sure to start on it!**

**And lastly, if you're wondering why Harry was pulled away from Dumbledore in my story instead of running after the cat, which would've been the accurate parallel to the movie, I do have a reason! It's to point out the conspiracy Dorothy's friends had in the movie. For those who haven't noticed it before, take a look next time you watch the movie: Dorothy's friends purposely untie the balloon once Dorothy gets out! They were trying to have her stay in Oz with them! But the boys don't feel like being that sneaky, so they just pull Harry away XD.**

**Cast:**

**Dorothy Gale – Harry Potter**

**Glenda – Hermione Granger**

**Munchkins – First Year Students**

**Wicked Witch of the East – Severus Snape**

**Wicked Witch of the West – Lord Voldemort**

**Scarecrow – Ronald Weasley**

**Tin Man – Draco Malfoy**

**Cowardly Lion – Neville Longbottom**

**Emerald City Gate Keeper – Rubeus Hagrid**

**Wizard of Oz – Albus Dumbledore**

**Flying Monkeys – Dementors**

**Wicked Witch's Army – Death Eaters**


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